- kylogical resonance -

Dear diary, 

School has resumed as the holiday season had come to an end. I went to school like any other ordinary student. Nothing spectacular that happened this week, I guess. Although, this week made me think of something. It's my senior year, the year where I have to sit for SPM and decide my career path. Frantically speaking, I am afraid. SPM would not be a piece of cake, but it's not a big deal either. It's just another major exam which I'll have to study hard for. What I'm really afraid of is, what I am gonna do after high school. What are my aims and goals, which path am I gonna take? That, is a question I have yet to find the answer. 

With that aside for now, I have a story to share. I know of a friend, whose life is just about studying. Everyday after school, if she'd not be having classes outside, she would be studying. She had learnt to not hate studying, which is a good thing. But it's not like she has a choice. Her parents literally forces her to befriend her textbooks and study everyday. Wakes up early in the morning every weekend, including the holidays just to do her revision. It's like her life is revolving around the knowledge we get from textbooks which we don't really make use of in reality. Let me give you another example. Another friend of mine would always be stuck in extra classes after school. Whether she likes it or not, her parents paid for her tuition and she'd be attending class after class without rest, just to keep her occupied with studies. She can't even go out with her friends much because her schedule's full of classes. 

She is running the rat race. The typical lifestyle most parents would want their children to undergo, without even bothering to find out about their child's interests or talents. It's set like that, if you have to be a doctor, you have to be a doctor. The rat race; study hard, get good grades, get a good job, make money and 'enjoy' afterwards. Now it's sad really, to see my friends unable to just relax for once and have fun without having that mathematical equation stuck in their heads. Happiness is the essence of life. No matter how much money you have, you're not gonna be happy without a genuine smile on your face. One should cherish every moment in his/her life because we only have one life. Our youth is not to be wasted, we only get to be a teenager once. 

So if you can't change your parents, make sure you don't do the same for your kids in the future. Find out what they like, and what they're good in. Make sure that whatever decisions you make, it would be 'what would make him/her happy' instead of just 'what would be best for him/her'. Honor your child, and let them honor their gifts/talents. And that, is how you get their respect. Do note that I am only writing this based on how I feel, not because my parents are like that too. I am certainly not running the rat race, and I'm sure my parents are supportive of whatever decisions I ought to make. Problem is, I do not know what I want. My parents want me to resort into accounting, but I told them, no. I have not made my decision yet. I don't know what I truly wanna be even though I have my heart partly set on business/marketing or finance. I really have to pray about it to see what God has in store for me. 

Just few days ago, my aunt who lives in Australia came back to Malaysia with her husband. Yesterday, she came for a visit and brought my sister, brother and I for dinner. Then she was asking me about my studies and what are my future plans. She, like mom, insisted that I become an accountant partly because her husband is a successful accountant. I felt the pressure. It reminded me that I'm in my senior year of high school and I have not made up my mind yet. Well she brought gifts for my sister and brother, but said she owes me a gift because she had no idea what to get me. Surprisingly, one of the shirts she got for my sis is exactly fitting my size. It's oversized for my sister and it's a unisex wear. So my sister insisted that I have it, lol. We had a great dinner together and went to Snowflake for dessert.

Til then,