Heylloo. I'm Leo and I personally welcome you to my blog. It's been a habit of mine to express my opinions and feelings through writing. I am not a professional journalist or writer. To me, it's more like a hobby. *Do click on the bird to follow my Facebook to see what I've been up to (:

Life is a journey, not a destination.

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."- Havelock Ellis

We all want to hold on to the things dearest to us in life, not necessarily things but people too. We all try our best to make things work out, to make the best out of everything and to let go certain things to avoid further suffering. It's all about making decisions, decisions which can't be deemed right or wrong. Life is a journey, it's different and unique for everyone and you ought to find out what life really means to you. It's a journey filled with hardships, heartaches, jovial moments, and times where even just a smile on your loved ones' faces is worth every fight and challenge you go through in life. Life is a journey, not a destination.

So what if we make mistakes ? Every single person that have breathed air in this world makes mistakes every single day. We breath the same air, and we walk the same earth. So think again, each time you hurt someone. Those hurtful words you used, didn't need to be spoken when you could've been more polite. That little joke you made to make you and your friends laugh for a few seconds, could've broken down someone's confidence to stand up again. It's tough I know. But please, for the world's sake we all need to make a change and be the difference. The modern world we live in today, so called a 'civilization' just does not make sense if we act like lunatics. Speak life in your words, not stupidity. Every word of encouragement counts, and compliment is free. Tearing someone down doesn't make yourself greater. If you do not want others to stomp on you when you're down, then don't pride over someone else's suffering. 

What is this karma people speak of ? Is it true that the amount of good deeds you do, you will be rewarded with good blessings and vice versa ? Honestly, I don't believe in karma. There are just way too many people that do not deserve the comfortable life they live now, while there are so many good-hearted people diagnosed with diseases they did not ask for, poverty and famine are killing people who did not do anything wrong. Meanwhile, the rich and wealthy can shake their legs and not give a shit because it's none of their business. I just read the news today about a national bowler that raped a thirteen years old girl 3 years ago, and his jail sentence of 5 years has been substituted with an order which allows him to walk the streets freely if he 'behaves in good manner'. Otherwise, he would have to pay $25,000. Why ? Because he is a national bowler that has a 'BRIGHT FUTURE' ahead of him and he is needed to compete in upcoming tournaments in the future. Injustice in the world today has come to such.


Okay, so I've blabbed about things that you might not see a connection here or there. I'm just expressing whatever that popped up in my mind. I do not know how to transition  into this so.. LOL. 

A message to someone even though it would not reach that someone : I do not know what you want from me even til now. I had just decided to forget everything between you and I not so long ago, despite the beautiful friendship we had and all we've been through. I hate you for being such an ass, but hey. If we're gonna be strangers, let's just remain at that. I've heard of your notorious intentions and you've partly carried them out already. You hate me for a stupid reason, you know that right ? But that does NOT give you the right to intimidate me as well as try to ruin my friendship with my other friends. And I thought that when we became 'strangers' again, you'd at least be more polite and all. But no, you freaking lied to me about something so minor, that I can't bear the sight of your face telling what you call 'truth' to other people anymore. I've always taken the better side of you into thought and put away all your flaws. Now, I've learned not to be so considerate of an ass like you simply because you don't deserve it. 
I was utterly blinded. Not the first time I ask of you; stop trying to ruin my life.
Kthxbai.

Til then,
Leo.

Lemondrops

Eh, I've been naughty haven't I ? It's been months since the last time I've written anything. I've been lazy, yes. Though most things that happened were not post-worthy and for those that were, I drafted them somewhere in my phone and they went missing like the rest of the pile of junk in my phone, ha. Time flies absurdly quickly. It's only too late when we realize the amount of time we wasted and that we simply cannot rewind or buy time.


So, what is it that gave me the urge to write again, you ask ? You probably guessed it right didn't you. Pressure is peering through, trials is around the corner. I'm still fooling around, and it seems that the closer it is towards SPM, the more playful and silly my classmates and I get. Everyone is still relaxing, and I'm trying hard to not be lazy.


Lately, I've been getting pissed off at minor things that didn't used to matter in my daily life. I've been getting agitated at times when I shouldn't be, and at times when I don't even have reasons to be angry. I need better anger management. I used to judge people who were deemed 'problematic' by the society, you know, that kind of person whom everyone dislikes, and talks bad about all the time ? Now that I think about it, it seems that I'm one of the few in class who has conflicts with certain people. What happened to me ? It seems like my ego caused me to have conflicts with people and my intolerance towards their misunderstanding and my firm stand on opinions drift 'friends' away, even when I feel like I stood up for the 'right reasons'. As a student, I have to face the same group of people for 5 days a week. Even though it happens in every single community where certain groups of people clique together, it sucks that I have to avoid certain people so that I do not have to face the awkward moment of silence. 


I guess it's how life goes, we meet new people and we move on. Somehow it just saddens me reminiscing all that had happened. A bad friendship is like a story book that started with a good chapter and blossomed into a beautiful story, but then in a few pages in the middle of the storybook, the story goes slightly wrong and the storybook as whole, is ruined. There are very few chances that we get a fresh start, to start a new chapter. In my case, I was never given a chance. Thus, I have to move on. I need to stay strong and endure what life throws at me. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right ?


Enough about my issues for now. I've been wondering lately, trying to decide my career path after highschool. There was a fair in school the other day, where colleges introduced their programmes and what they had to offer. I couldn't decide what suits me best. My parents want me to be an accountant, and they are kind of reluctant to let me be what I want to be. Just because I picked up Accounts as an extra subject doesn't mean I want to be an Accountant. I haven't talked to them about it since I have the slightest clue of what I want to be in the future. But, I do have these courses in mind. I'm highly interested in studying commerce in hopes of holding a post of marketing manager or at least business administration manager in the far future. At the same time, I'm also very interested in multimedia design like 2D/3D drawing, web design, maybe interior design and also journalism even though I'm really really bad at drawing.. but I wouldn't mind learning to draw on screen. All of those fall under creative multimedia, and my third alternative would be mass-comm. Since tuition fees are expensive, I highly doubt that I will be studying overseas so I have to make a decision.


Got to focus on getting my grades up for now..


Til then,
Leo.




The Winter's Gone

Diary entry #18 - 25 April 2012

Dear diary,

Whoops. I know it's been awhile since I've wrote anything. Honestly, I've just been lazy. I can't say that I've been busy because my busy would mean that yes, I have assignments but my gaming time is considered essential in my daily routine xP. I haven't been gaming much lately though. I've had weird sleeping patterns and so I waste most of my time on sleeping. I didn't draft out some posts I wanted to write about because I was waiting for photos to be uploaded. Well now that I can't recall everything, I'll just try to mention the things I can.

So few weeks back, I went for Tse Ann's birthday dinner at Chilli's and it was quite okay that we weren't separated into groups, conversation-wise. Surprisingly, Suk Kyi and I wore the same kind of checkered shirt, mine being blue and hers in pink. Later on Samsin came and she had quite a similar shirt as well. Tseann was acting all cute la you know, but it was her birthday so we'll let her go :p


Tse Ann's birthday dinner @ Chilli's !

Pig Ann & I (:

The checkered shirts team ;D


And then about 2 weeks ago, the 5 bunch of us went over to Deanna's house on a school day. We took the day off and baked cupcakes together for Dhaksha's birthday. It was also the first time I played around with my Dad's new DSLR. Noone hardly uses it though, except for me. Can I call it mine? XP. We had lots of fun that day. After baking, we had lunch and played Monopoly cards for a bit. Cheemeng fell sick so she went home early and accidentally took Adeline's IC with her. We decided to go cycling all the way to CM's house to retrieve her IC. We stopped by her house for some refreshments and also dropped by ChaTime later on for drinks. It was a dangerous, exhausting yet fun journey. Looking forward for the next cycling session! I could say the cupcakes were a success, and we celebrated her birthday in school. The exact next week after her birthday was Dee's. We had so little time to plan everything so I came up with lots of ideas for these two loved one's birthdays.

Us ! Dhaksha's cupcakes baking team.

Happy Birthday Dhaksha ! <3

Monopoly cards, they're fun (:


We decided to celebrate Dee's birthday on a Sunday which was last week. Went out with her the whole day. I can say the plan wasn't quite a success but it's okay I guess she doesn't mind :/. We went there really early to settle things like looking for a location for dinner, and also the cake. After we were done, we met up with Dee who went for yoga in the morning and we all watched 'Battleship'. Oh Rihanna's soo cool :D. Later on that night, I had to stall her for time and prevent her from going to certain places. Luckily she wasn't too suspicious and didn't really expect what was coming :p. She thought only the few of us were celebrating her birthday. We had hidden more than ten people at the restaurant, ready to surprise her. After all that planning, walking around and endless phone calls, it was all worth it for Dee. I also found out something that night, bwahahaha.
P.S: Will upload some pictures here once Adrian uploads them. (:


Anyway, I don't like how some people are comparing the way they celebrate their friend's birthday with how others celebrate. Is that even relevant to show off? I don't see how it matters whether you're making it grand, or having a simple celebration. It's the thought that counts. As long as you have friends that care for you and love you for who you are, it's more than enough. So stop comparing, we know you're one bunch of wild people with crazy ideas. But don't bring others down because you're feeling all proud going round boasting.

Sorry for the MIA. Will try to write more regularly. I've been listening so sad songs lately, I don't know why. It's not like I'm being emotional or anything haha. Maybe I'm in the mood for slow songs. Some of which I find I can relate my current situation to. Things aren't the same. I need to learn to accept that fact.

Til then,
Leo.

Somebody That I Used To Know

Diary entry #17 - 4 April 2012

Dear diary, 

It's been quite a normal week. Finally got to relax a little and ease myself up. Exhausting yet fun weekend well spent (: So last Saturday was Pesta Ria. I only went to the carnival at about 11 in the morning. Met up with Nicky who also arrived about the same time. We walked rounds and rounds and couldn't even find anything worth spending on. It's either too common or too expensive. Also met Abel who gave us RM6 coupons before he left. Honestly, I didn't even spend his coupons, and treated my other friends with it. The RM10 I bought could not even be finished due to indecisive pickiness in choosing food hahaha. Nicky went back before I did and so I decided to hangout at the Interact/Scripture Union stall for awhile. 

I helped out in selling and promoting their cupcakes haha. And so later on Adeline came, and also my Cg members. I invited them to have a look at our carnival. Just before leaving, I was excited to look at the cosplayers for the cosplay contest. Expected Joey Foo to come out in an exotic and interesting outfit, and she did. But guess who else came out? My fellow friend Cheng Chee Meng. Hahaha we were just laughing at her because we couldn't believe she would enter a cosplay contest. She did a good job though, winning 2nd place. Left for home after that and had the first CG of the year at my place. Only 5 of us turned up though, kinda disappointing. 

Delicious cupcake for sale ! Credits : Janice Khaw

Chee Meng ! Cosplaying as a male anime character.

Sunday was a day where my circle of friends did our civics project together. After a really long day for some of us at Pesta Ria, we were really exhausted and not in the mood for assignments. Nevertheless, we nearly completed our folio and headed to dinner afterwards. It was the first time where our circle met each other everyday for a week. The next day, went to Times Square because Monday was a holiday to compensate Pesta Ria which was a schooling day on Saturday. We watched The Hunger Games as well as The Wrath of The Titans. Both of these movies weren't disappointing, at least not for me. Awesome time spent with my friends (: looking forward to the next outing. Gah, I need better time management. Been going out so frequently that I haven't been doing my daily workouts. Two of my close friends' birthdays coming up soon. Financially troubled for now because mom wouldn't give me money :/ and not enough time to finish things. So yeah that's just a brief post on how I spent my yet another awesome weekend (: 

Awesome dinner with my girls @ Wings Musicafe; Butter Cream Rice.

I came across this text on Facebook where I felt like I could relate to it. It said 'Honestly, I'm not sure if I should just keep holding on or to let go. It's stupid to hold on to something that just keeps hurting you, but it's also stupid to let go of everything you've ever wanted.' In my case, I don't got a choice. I have to let go for now, and I really don't know what else is gonna happen. I can't change anything, keeping a distance and letting go is all I can do. Are things getting worst? I don't know. But one thing I know for sure is that things are not getting better. What if, it remains like this forever? We'd be strangers who were once close, at least that's what I felt. Now you're just somebody that I used to know..

Til then,
Leo.

Finally, you're here.

Diary entry #16 - 26 March 2012

Dear diary, 

Last Friday was the awesomest Friday I've experienced in a very very long time. In fact I almost lost my voice shouting haha. So here's a recap on how I spent my weekend. I pushed my tuition classes to Thursday and tagged along the spartan boys; Adrian, Aaron, Cheers Weng, Miing Pin as well as May Chee and Man Yi who joined us at lunch. We went to KLCC in excitement to meet our 9 SNSD angels at the Twin Towers @ Live 2012 concert. Thing is, we went there without any tickets and being clueless on whether we'll even be able to get a good view of the stage or not. We arrived at KLCC at 3 something and headed for a quick lunch at Nando's. We didn't wanna be late so we started joining the crowd and looking for a good spot at 4.30. Finally at 7, when we were all tired standing for so long, we decided to walk to the other side of the tower and look for entrances. 

After a really hectic journey of climbing over walls, and sacrificing Miing Pin's umbrella, we managed to squeeze ourselves in a small area, few meters away from the golden fan zone. We could've just ran inside and be in front of the stage, but there was a security barrier and guards. So feeling happy enough, after getting scolded by guards and forcibly squeezing ourselves in that area, we were thankful enough to be that close. And then, this happened. Some of us ran to the barrier crossing and a management lady passed us wristbands for Golden Fan Zone. We were high and happy as hell. She only passed out about 10 and all 7 of us got in safely. We screamed our lungs out knowing that we made it this far, considering we came without any tickets at all. 

So, about the concert. Even though I'm not that active anymore in chasing kpop news and songs, but I'm happy we were all able to meet 8 out of 9 angels, which once did influence me a lot with their lovely songs. They were all so pretty in white, and I just couldn't believe Yoona, Soo Young and the others were all right in front of me, kinda. Pity Aaron because Yuri couldn't make it. They were all fantabulous and I really loved their performance. Snapped like 1000 over pictures with my low quality camera of my phone. My friends took videos. Elecoldxhot performed as well and their an interesting dance group. Oh my god that was an awesome night, and never regret anything even though we were tired and hungry as heck. Everything fell into place (: Went for supper with them til midnight, and that's about it for Friday night. 

Gotta love SO NYEO SHI DAE. <3

Before we got even closer to the stage.

Golden Fan Zone ! We made it, so close ! <3

8 beautiful angels, in front of our very eyes <3 

The awesome adventure, with them.

On Saturday evening, I followed Zkay to a fellowship group in Puchong. We then headed to The Curve (I've never been there) and wanted to eat the famous meatballs at Ikea. It was too crowded, and we ended up eating McDonalds. How ironic right? All the way to such a far place to eat McDonalds. Haha nevertheless, I enjoyed the fellowship with these people whom I barely knew. Later on went to Murni for a session of supper and reached home at midnight again. 

On Sunday, I went and got a haircut and had lunch with my dear cousins Alena and Adelynn. She treated me :D how nice, we went to Caribbean Cafe. Food there was okay and reasonable for its price. I'm sorry for rushing this but I forgot to mention that I've got a new puppy in the house! :D. It's breed is unknown due to some rape-and-run case of my brother's friend's dog. He decided to give the puppies away, so my brother picked this cutie out of the 5. I named her Lexi, isn't she cute? I'm just rushing to write this because I wanna play with Lexi! :D but it's been trouble cleaning up her wee-wee. Hahahaha.

Lunch @ Caribbean Cafe. (:

The cutest thing evarr ! Meet Lexi <3.

Til then,
Leo.

Delusional

Diary entry #15 - 20 March 2012

Dear diary,


It's been a rough week for me during the holidays. Didn't do much though, it was kinda ruined :/ The only things I did were preparing for CG booth last Saturday, and partying at my friend's house. I'm really grateful for one, that I'm finally able to talk it all out with someone who can understand what I've been going through lately, which sums up all the pain I've kept in my chest these two years. I definitely feel better letting it all out, even when things aren't really getting better. The party at my friends house which most of us sleptover at, really gave me the chance to calm down and forget this conspiracy for awhile. 

I've been thinking way too much lately, and boy do I need to chill the fudge down. After all these years, I've never learned my lesson. I'm always trusting others easily and I realize that sometimes, being way too nice is being vulnerable. In a way, I'd be easier to target when I'm not strong and that's when I see the true colors of those who I thought I could trust. Well this time, its not entirely like that, but I just don't know what's real and what's fake anymore. Which is the truth and which are lies? Have I been in a delusion all this while not to realize sooner that I was being lied to all the time? I was so happy at one point, but that too was a delusion. At the very climax when I felt on top of the world, not for myself but for someone and yet that happiness and hope just got crushed into pieces like stealing ice-cream from a kid and throwing it on the ground. 

The lyrics in the song 'This Is The Part Of Me' by Katy Perry pretty much relates to me right now. 'Days like this I want to drive away. Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade. You chewed me up, and spit me out. Like I was poison in your mouth. But that was then and this is now.. This is the part of me that you'll never gonna ever take away from me.' 

Just so you know, I've never blamed you for anything. If there was a reset button that could give us a fresh start, I'd press it. I'll disappear for now. But when you think you can finally accept me for who I am, I'll be here waiting.

Til then,
Leo.

Waterballoonies

Diary entry #14 - 10 March 2012

Dear diary,

This morning we had PRS Race at Bukit Jalil Park and my oh my was it exhausting. Well referring to the title, my station's game was to play volleyball with water balloons. So, arrived there early in the morning and honestly, I wasn't ready for anything. Was so sleepy and we were like, unprepared with setting up our station. Amanda and I had trouble filling up the water balloons haha, especially me. It was tough tying them up. As an ex-member of PRS, I feel that the club isn't as active as it used to. I'm pretty sure the current AJK board feels the same way. I was expecting better attendance, but to my surprise only 4 boys turned up and the rest were girls. 
Seriously!? Them girls were so afraid of getting wet and let go each time the water balloon arrives in front of them. Lol apparently not even one group passed our simple game of waterballoon volleyball. Well I was glad that I was able to help Amanda out. Really tiring day so I made love to my bed right after I reached home. 


Chee Weng, Amanda, and I.

This is our [ Amanda & I ] waterballoon station.

Today, I'm feeling confused. I'm happy and doubtful about some specific things at the same time. Well I'm looking forward to a relaxing holiday week ahead. Please don't let anything ruin my holiday :(. I came across this text on Facebook. 

'How do you know when you love someone?' 
"When you wake up, they're your first thought and you're looking at your phone to see if they've text or called you while you were asleep. And when you go to bed, you fall asleep thinking about them. When you miss them, even though it hasn't been more than a day or so since you last seen them. But mostly, when you put their needs before your own. When their happiness is more important than your pain. When you really love someone, you're willing to give it your all, and you'll know when you are."

I have done all that. Especially the part 'to put their needs before your own, and their happiness is more important than your pain.' Love may hurt, but it's worth it. Sometimes the suffering is worst than you can imagine, and what's worst is when you've done all you've done, and yet you're invisible; unnoticed.


Til then,
Leo.